Haunting
by KimberleyIonaSmith
Summary: Discipline Fic. This time it's all about Carlisle and Emmett getting into trouble with Esme and Rose. Warning: contains zombies.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: this is a made up story which is a sort of spin-off of the 'Twilight' series, of which I own no rights at all.

Author's Note: Some time ago, I rather rashly implied that I would write stories about zombie fun and games in the morgue, and Carlisle getting into trouble with Esme, so this is my attempt to settle those. I also thought it might be fun to even up Jasper and Edward a little bit. Enjoy!

Warning: later chapters will contain discipline scenes.

It started with a water fight.

Carlisle was in his office, reading, when he heard the unmistakeable sound of laughing vampires. He opened his window and looked out into the yard. The yard was drenched, it looked as though someone was trying to build a swimming pool, skipping that tiresome digging stage and just starting to fill the ground with water.

Edward was at the other side of the yard, his shirt was dotted with droplets of water, but apart from that he was suspiciously dry. It was his laughter that had attracted Carlisle's attention. Edward didn't used to laugh this much, but, since he'd married Bella, he'd started laughing a lot. Right now, he seemed to be amused by the sight of his sisters.

Carlisle could see them at the edge of the forest, dripping wet, with a child's paddling pool at their feet. It didn't take a genius to guess that they'd been the victims of some sort of prank.

Whether he'd actually set the prank up or not, Edward was obviously very happy about the results. He was laughing loudly enough to wake the dead (even those dead who were already engrossed in a medical journal). He should be glad to see his first and youngest son so happy, Carlisle thought, so what was this wistful ache that he was feeling?

He was glad to hear Edward laugh, but he was sorry that it had taken so long for him to learn what Edward's laugh sounded like. When it had just been the two of them, they'd had plenty of good times, but he didn't remember Edward ever being so enthusiastically happy. He wished that Edward had been this kind of brother back when they'd been alone together, back when he thought of Carlisle as his brother.

Edward must have heard his thoughts, he should have been more careful. The mind-reader looked up at the window, trying to decide if he ought to abandon the fun and games in order to talk to his friend.

Then Edward was distracted by a sudden attack from behind. Jasper and Emmett had somehow found themselves a power-hose and turned it on their brother.

Edward leapt out of the way, finally as wet as the rest of his siblings.

"That wasn't fair," he announced, "Carlisle distracted me."

"He didn't say anything," Bella laughed, falling out of a tree and landing next to her husband.

"He was thinking."

"In that case, it's perfectly fair," Jasper responded, "you used your gift to escape most of our fantastic plans, and then it backfired and distracted you. Don't feel bad, little brother, we were bound to win in the end."

"Only because you weren't going to allow the game to finish until Edward was soaked," Alice replied, strolling over with Rosalie. The games had sent them all running off in different directions, but seeing Edward get surprised was enough to gather everyone back together.

"Who says they're over?" Emmett replied gleefully turning the hose on his sister, or at least attempting to. Alice stepped neatly out of the way.

"You'll have to do better than that," Alice giggled.

"Hmm . . . maybe I need a bigger team. Do you want to play, Carlisle? Teams are informal, but my aim is to get Edward wetter than me!"

"Of course Carlisle doesn't want to play," Rosalie scolded, "he's far too mature for a water fight."

"Yes, I think that I'll leave you kids to it," Carlisle answered smoothly, pulling his window closed and returning to the dry safety of his study. His thoughts and his feelings can't have matched his words though, because both Edward and Jasper looked up curiously.

Alice, on the other hand, suddenly burst into a fit of giggles.

"What was that, I didn't catch it?"

"No peaking, Edward, you'll just have to watch this one play out in real time. Bella, you're with me and Rose, let's play girls destroying boys."

The sisters held hands and ran off into the woods to plan their campaign.

Carlisle continued to hear periodic bursts of laughter and occasional screams of surprise for the next hour or so. After his earlier self-pity he wasn't surprised when one of his sons (having dried off and changed his clothes, thankfully) came in for a chat once the game was over. He was a little surprised to see which son it was.

"Emmett? What can I do for you?"

"I'm not sure, Carlisle. I may be way out here, but I think I might have a really great idea."

"Oh, yes?"

"You're not actually that much older than any of us. If you're too old for water fights, then we should be too."

"Hmm."

Emmett grinned, "and I know that we are not too old for water fights. So I figure that you know that you're not either."

"I thought, seeing how dry you are, that the water fight was over. I don't think that I've ever seen you dry more than thirty seconds into a water fight."

Emmett frowned theatrically. "Edward cheats," he confided, "but we let him get away with it because he's the littlest."

"Isn't that Alice?"

"I mean that he's the littlest boy, of course. Anyway, you are right, the water fight is over. You could start another one. I bet Edward would never expect you to throw a bucket of water over his head. My idea was a bit different, though it will be just as much fun."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: this is a made up story which is a sort of spin-off of the 'Twilight' series, of which I own no rights at all.

"And the winners are . . ." We 'girls' were out shopping, when Alice announced that she'd had an image of some of our husbands getting into trouble. She'd been making quite a big deal out of telling us who it was, which was kind of annoying.

I was absolutely certain that Jasper hadn't done anything wrong. Alice didn't think it was at all funny when Jasper was in trouble. She took her duty to keep him in line very seriously indeed. Poor Jasper. I was surprised that he ever thought it was worth the pain of getting into trouble.

Since she had clearly said 'husbands' in the plural, I knew that both Edward and Emmett had been messing about. The real news was what they'd done this time, not who it was.

"Rose and Esme."

There were a few dropped jaws, not at Alice telling us that Emmett was in trouble, but Carlisle?

"What did they do?" Esme asked at the same time as Rosalie asked "who caught them?"

Alice grinned, "you're really going to like this," she said. "Edward just caught – well, in five minutes time he will have just caught – Carlisle and Emmett hiding in a morgue and pretending to be zombies. Actually, I don't think anyone will like it quite as much as Edward will. He is enjoying – going to enjoy – this a lot!"

"Hmm . . ."

Alice sighed, "do cut him a bit of slack, Bella. He's trying very hard not to let his delight show. I don't think that he's crowing at all."

"He has nothing to crow about," I said, "not after that prank he pulled last year."

"I expect that's why he's so amused," Esme said. "Oh, dear, I do hope that we're not going to have another spate of these ghoulish pranks."

"What do you mean by 'another', has there been a problem with Cullens pretending to haunt hospitals before?"

"There's no point asking her," Rosalie said, "she won't tell. Something happened before Carlisle changed me, involving Edward and Carlisle. None of them will tell us what it was."

I resolved that I would try and get the story out of Edward. Alice rolled her eyes at me, I don't think that she expected me to have any luck.

"Well, how long before we have to get home, Alice?" Esme said, swiftly returning us to the conversation at hand.

"That depends, do we want to be there when Edward brings them home, or shall we let them all wait for us? Or, to put it another way, do we go to the next two shops and let Esme discover that perfect one-off dress, or leave it and let it get bought by someone else tomorrow morning?"

"How about you save me the hunt, take me straight to the dress and we get home shortly after the boys?"

We rushed through the final shop, piled ourselves and our bags back into the car and headed back to the house.

When we pulled up, all the cars were in the garage, so I knew that the boys had got home before us. I was glad that we weren't home much after them because I don't think that Edward would have coped very well.

We found him sat on the couch, between Emmett and Carlisle looking utterly miserable. Emmett was grinning, even Carlisle seemed quietly amused. Edward was the one who looked like he was in trouble. His hands were on his lap and he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Hey, baby," I said, walking over and taking his hands. He looked down at them, as though he hadn't realised until that moment that he'd been fiddling with his shirt. "Are you ok?"

"I need to call a family meeting," he said.

Alice replied cheerily, "I already figured that one out, we're here and Jasper's on his way."

"Yes, I asked him to fix something for me."

Still looking far more nervous than the two that Alice had identified as miscreants, Edward led the way into the dining room. Jasper slipped in behind us, and nodded at Edward. Everyone else sat down, leaving Edward with the seat at the top of the table, he grimaced as he took his place.

"Well," Edward began, "this is unusual. It seemed like it would be best to call a family meeting since this isn't a situation that has arisen before. We have an issue that could bring us to the attention of, well, quite a large number of humans. Since, the situation seems to be largely of your making, would you care to fill everyone else in, Carlisle?"

Carlisle sighed, "well, it was meant to be funny."

"No 'meant to be' about it" Emmett interrupted, "it was very, very funny."

Carlisle grinned at him, "actually, it was pretty amusing."

"Which is rather beside the point," Edward prompted, "perhaps you might begin be telling us what happened and then, later, we can all help determine precisely how funny it is."

"Well, the idea began with Emmett," Carlisle managed to make that sound like praise, rather than passing-the-buck. "Since we are essentially dead, he thought that we could easily get ourselves into a morgue where we could 'come to life' like zombies. The first nurse was too terrified of being laughed at to tell anyone. It wasn't until we tried a second time that we got caught out."

"Stupid CCTV," Emmett muttered.

"Well, yes. That might be a problem," Carlisle allowed. "It sounds as though the local press have been called, and given access to the tape."

Esme gasped. Rose looked furious, fit to be tied (well, I suppose that wouldn't be worth much with a vampire, perhaps I should say: fit to be torn to pieces and then tied). Alice was calm, though, and she usually knew when it was time to panic.

"And you think that 'might be a problem'?" Edward said dryly.

"Carlisle!" Rose shouted, "have you lost your mind? Don't you know what kind of trouble a tape of you coming back from the dead could get us all into? We're not supposed to be filmed by humans at all, let alone filmed by humans with the caption 'is this the living dead?'"

"That would be a rubbish caption," Emmett said, "it will be something more like 'dead gorgeous' or 'dead men waking'."

Carlisle laughed.

Edward sighed, "really? You're going to descend to that level."

"Is there anything that we can do to minimise the damage?" Esme asked.

"I've destroyed the tape," Edward said stiffly, "and Jasper, I think that you've killed the story?"

"I've paid off the journalist," Jasper said, sounding as though he was reporting to his superior officer, "just like you asked."

Edward nodded, one sharp nod of acknowledgement.

It was strange to see him like this, so clearly in control. I had never imagined Edward to be the deputy head of the coven until today. He usually acted like Carlisle's son. I had even seen him submit to Jasper and hide from Alice. This was the first time that I had seen Edward take charge.

Even stranger was everyone else's reaction to this different Edward. They had forced him into the seat at the head of the table. They expected him to lead the meeting. Jasper had even been running errands for him. Granted, Jasper had been running one errand whilst Edward ran another, so it sounded more like dividing labour. But, it was Edward making the divisions. I was apparently the only one who found an in-charge Edward in the least bit surprising.

"So, we have tried to stop this before it becomes a problem. Alice?"

"I think we're in the clear. I don't see any more visions of zombie Cullens on the TV. And the you-tube leak has disappeared too." She looked questioningly at Edward and he raised his eyebrows at her as if he was daring her to ask what he'd done. Alice didn't dare. "However that happened," she said "it appears to have been effective. I think that the pictures have gone."

Edward nodded again.

"That leaves us with the unpleasant part." He paused, as if he was hoping that someone else might take over for him. Nobody did.

So Edward shrugged and said, "er . . . we have had a very similar situation quite recently. Last time it was quickly agreed that playing ghouls in hospitals, with the sole intention of scaring humans, was against family rules. "

"Surely, it's not that serious," Carlisle said, "obviously, I'm grateful to you for straightening things out, Edward, but this is hardly a serious offence."

"Come on, how can you look so stern, Eddie? That 'similar situation' involved you. It's not that long since you were in disgrace for pulling a haunting stunt of your own."

"Exactly," Edward replied, with a crooked smile, "I had it very thoroughly and carefully pointed out to me by my wife, that haunting hospitals was not funny. I do not need to repeat that lesson. It is my opinion that Emmett and Carlisle have broken family rules and put us at risk of exposure. May I ask for a simple statement of agreement or dissent from each of you?"

"I agree," Esme said.

"Yep," said Rosalie.

The wave reached me, Edward gave me an encouraging smile. I think it must have relaxed him slightly to see someone else as uncomfortable as he was. "I agree," I said, sounding rather quiet and small.

Jasper nodded, "agreed."

Alice finished it off, "yes, sorry, Carlisle."

Edward took a deep breath, "in which case, Rosalie, can I leave Emmett to you?"

"I would prefer it if you did."

Edward gave his sister a crooked smile, "that makes two of us. Esme? You will be dealing with Carlisle?"

Esme looked up at Edward and smirked. I don't think that I had ever seen Esme smirk before. It suddenly occurred to me that she and Edward had almost as much history as Carlisle and Edward had. I'd never bothered to try and find out what their relationship really was. I had fallen completely for the mother/son display that they put on for the humans around us. For the first time, I saw her give him a look that was far from maternal.

"That's right, Edward."

There was a moment of pure fear for me when I saw Edward and Esme looking at each other. It was as though they were locked in a private remembrance of some sort. I know perfectly well that Edward has me and Esme has Carlisle. I had always thought, before, that Esme was – in at least one sense – old enough to be Edward's mother. Right now, I realised that she definitely wasn't. Esme was born after Edward, not before. Though she had been somewhat older than him at her change, it wasn't enough of an age-gap for her to have been his mother. My jealously of Rosalie had faded ages ago, it was easy to see that she was no threat. She and Edward were not in the least bit interested in one another. But, suddenly, thanks to one shared smirk, I realised that I ought to have been more concerned about Esme all along.

"In which case, the matter is now closed."

Rosalie and Emmett disappeared in one direction, Esme and Carlisle in another.

Jasper grimaced at Edward, "cottage?" he asked.

"It's just far enough." He took my hand, preparing to lead me from the room.

Alice frowned, "not far enough for me!"

Jasper swooped his wife into his arms "I'll distract you, darlin'."

"Not in my cottage, you won't" Edward scolded over his shoulder as we all fled the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: this is a made up story which is a sort of spin-off of the 'Twilight' series, of which I own no rights at all.

"So, you and Esme," I began.

Rather than replying, Edward spluttered. He seemed to be choking on words and denials and anger and scorn. Protests and laughter tried to force their way out of his mouth at the same time, they got struck in his throat and he spluttered.

Jasper came to his aid, "there is no Edward and Esme," he said "definitely not. I checked."

Edward spluttered again.

"When did you check?" I asked, then, afterwards, "how did you check?"

"By sensing their emotions around one another, obviously. And, shortly after we moved in. And, Edward, note she didn't ask 'why'."

Finally, Edward got his mouth back in order. "In that case, allow me to ask: why did you want to check whether or not there was anything between me and Esme?"

"She isn't your mother." Jasper said.

He frowned, rather severely Edward would have made a great teacher, he already had the perfect glare to squash conversation. "No. And I don't recall claiming that she was. Rosalie isn't my mother either, and nor is Alice. Do you have any concerns about my relationship with them?"

"It hardly took much time to work out your relationship with Rosalie. She really is your sister. As for Alice, well you two don't flirt at all, ever, you're more of a hydra."

"Don't call us that!" Edward and Alice spoke in unison, which you might have expected them to do a lot, but I had never actually seen before.

Then they glared at each other, both annoyed that they had done it.

"I didn't exactly plan on saying that," Edward told her.

"And, I didn't exactly think it through."

I looked over to check that Jasper was as amused as me. He looked rather thrilled, as if it was one of the best jokes that he'd ever seen. "That was very good, I wonder if you'll ever get them to do it again."

"Probably not," Jasper's delight faded a little at the thought that this might be a one-off, "I expect that they are currently making careful plans to ensure that it never happens again."

Sure enough, Edward and Alice were staring at each other.

"What did you find out, then?" I asked.

"Bella, darling, he already said. There is no 'me and Esme'."

"There is something. I want to hear what that look was. I've never seen you look at each other like that before."

"What look?" Edward said.

Jasper smiled at me, "I've seen it before. I know exactly what you mean. It made me curious too, at first. There is a lot between them. They have played other roles, you know, before they began this long turn as mother and son. They were brother and sister in the twenties. He escorted her to dances, while Carlisle worked all hours in a succession of dirty wards. If you want to know about that side of them, watch them dance together."

"I've never seen Edward dance with anyone else."

"I don't want to dance with anyone else." Edward was getting irritated. He didn't like hearing me worry and he didn't like Jasper continuing the conversation.

"There's plenty of time."

"Jasper, you're on thin ice. This is my house. I'm not a naughty child today."

"I know that. You're our Prince Regent. I saw the playbills. Your wife wants to know about the other women in your life, Edward. Let me tell her."

He frowned, "I don't think that you're telling it right."

"I said 'brother and sister', didn't I? Can I help it that people wondered then?"

"You can help to prevent Bella wondering now."

"Edward," Alice prompted. I wondered how many times she had called his name in her head before she chose to call it aloud instead. He turned to look at his sister, and they sank deeply into one of their infamous silent conversations.

When they didn't want anyone else to hear what they were saying, neither of them bothered to speak. Alice merely had to think and Edward to plan on saying something. They were so practised that I don't think they ever opened their mouths when they were alone. Irritatingly, they also used this form of communication when we were around and they didn't want to involve us in their discussion.

"We need to be able to do that," Jasper said softly, interrupting my train of thought.

"We could just step into another room."

"What would be the point? Anything that my wife misses in her visions, your husband will hear in real time, and, should they want an action replay, he'll just dip into my mind and pick up the details later. But, since we have no privacy from them, it seems unfair that he should have secrets from you. She began to play his mother when Carlisle changed Rosalie. It was rather strange for them both at first, and, from what I can tell, verged on the flirtatious."

"Hey!" Edward quickly dispelled any illusions we might have had of a private conversation. "Watch your insinuations, Major Whitlock."

I had never heard anyone pronounce 'Major' as though it were an inferior title, but Edward managed it. Before Jasper had a chance to apologise or to fight back, Alice interrupted. "Settle down, there's nothing for you to compete over here. No fighting."

"They're not exactly fighting, Alice."

She sniffed, "they both say almost everything without speaking. Knowing them, Jasper's been teasing Edward with his thoughts, and Edward's been deliberately focussing on feelings of scorn, for some time now. By the time Jasper and Edward start sniping at each other, it's the equivalent of any normal pair of males circling and hissing. They have always tussled for position, and I don't think that either of them are ever going to win."

"When we do fight, I win" Jasper said decisively.

Edward replied with the lazy drawl of a nineteenth century aristocrat. I wondered if he'd ever been like that when he was alive, or if it was a persona that he'd cultivated over the years of his death. "Yes, Whitlock, you are an impressive footman, with plenty of experience in the ranks. I don't think that there is any real question of where we stand in relation to one another."

He dropped Jasper's title this time and just addressed him by his surname, as boys do at public school. Jasper scowled at him, as though there were some meaning in his use of the name. I suppose it emphasised Jasper's later arrival into the coven, which was the source of Edward's stance of authority. Jasper had the advantage in years (both human, and vampire) but Edward had been in the coven for the longest. It was as though Edward was a partner in the firm while Jasper was an older and more experienced associate. I had seen Jasper treat Edward as a child before, and I had seen Edward command Jasper as his subordinate today. If this was how they functioned together after so many years, perhaps Alice was right and they were never going to settle this battle for superiority.

"Besides, this is my house." Edward took a step closer to Jasper, who widened his eyes slightly, and squared his shoulders.

"Do you want a house, Jazzy?" Alice asked sweetly, realising at the same time as I did, that Jasper didn't have a house.

Jasper seemed slightly confused, unsure of the 'correct' answer. "I don't think so, not unless you want one."

I wasn't ready to change the subject just yet. There was more to be said on the subject of Edward and Esme's relationship. "This is my house too, and I was having a conversation with Jasper. I would like to hear his story, and you can tell me your side later."

Edward put up his hands in surrender and stepped away from Jasper. He was agreeing to let the conversation continue, but he was stony faced.

"Alice and Rose both thought that Edward was gay," Jasper continued, "but that never occurred to Esme. He's always been rather chivalrous with her. When she first played the role of his mother, as I said, it was rather more unconvincing than it is now. It was Emmett who really brought out that side of Edward, gave him a chance to play at being a teenage boy, rough-housing with his brother. And, in turn, Esme responded by playing out more of the 'mother of teenagers' role.

"Still, when we arrived, I did wonder what was going on between them. Rose and Emmett are bonded, of course, and they spent a lot of time alone – which they still do! - leaving the original three to their own devices. Carlisle has many concerns with his hospital work, and Edward and Esme have a long history of hunting together and amusing themselves together. You know that, before you, Esme was the only person for whom Edward had ever written a piece of music."

"Are you saying that Edward has sexual feelings for Esme?"

"No!" Jasper yelled quickly, taking a step away from Edward at the same time, though Edward hadn't made any movements that would imply annoyance. "I'm saying that Edward and Esme are a pair. They've put on so many different performances and each performance not only takes on an element of their true natures, but also impacts upon their true natures. They are like Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers."

"More like William Powell and Myrna Loy," Alice said.

"Errol Flynn and Olivia De Havilland." Jasper and Alice made a pretty good double-act themselves, tossing movie pairs at each other and grinning as they recalled the films.

"Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds."

"Which only works in 'Singing in the Rain'," Jasper complained.

"But gives us Rosalie as Jean Hagen and Carlisle as Donald O'Connor, thus making it a spectacular analogy."

Jasper gave an appreciative smile, but Edward frowned. I resolved to watch the movie and see if the comparisons worked. That reminded me, all of Jasper and Alice's examples were useless, and not giving me a better picture of Edward and Esme's relationship at all. "I have never heard of any of these people."

"Oh, sorry Bella. Um . . ." Jasper frowned and flicked through the movie catalogue in his mind, "how about Woody Allen and Diane Keaton? Basically, you need to imagine them as a pair who put in a lot of two-handed performances."

"I think that Bella has got the point. You watch a lot of old movies and think that Esme and I should be in vaudeville."

"They weren't old movies when I watched them."

His tone had been getting steadily more acerbic, so I wound my arm around my husband's waist. "Are you irritated?"

Edward sighed, stroking my hair and settling my head onto his shoulder, "not exactly. I am a little tired of the implication that Esme and I have ever been anything but proper in our relationship with one another."

Jasper took another step away from Edward, and Alice placed herself between the two of them.

"I don't think that's what Jasper is trying to imply. I think that he's saying that you have worked together a lot to present a particular picture to unsuspecting humans. I think he's implying a relationship like very close work-colleagues."

Edward shrugged, "we have known each other a long time. That's all. I was never interested in another woman. I realise now that I spent all my life waiting for you."

"Which is why everyone, except Esme, thought that you were gay. And the only reason Esme didn't think that you were gay is that you wrote her music and took her dancing."

"Like Elton John and Kiki Dee!" Alice shouted in triumph.

"No" said Edward.

"Er . . . Alice . . ."

"Yes, I know, stop teasing Edward or figure out some place else for us to go while we wait for the house to become habitable again."


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .

Shoes were flying through the air, and Emmett was ducking them.

"I can't believe you were so stupid! Oh, wait, actually I can believe that you were so stupid. This is just the sort of thing that you would do."

Emmett sighed and hung his head, "Carlisle did it too."

Rose finally stopped throwing shoes at her husband and stood still. "That was a bit more of a surprise. I don't think he's ever done anything like this before, at least, nothing that I've seen or heard about. Edward and Esme have that weird private joke about Carlisle and morgues . . . but they've never explained it. Anyway, the point isn't that Carlisle did it too; the point is that you did it!"

"I know, Rosie, I'm sorry." He ducked as she resumed throwing things at him. She hadn't stopped, after all, it had been a temporary lull. At least she had plenty of shoes to throw these days. In the earlier days of their relationship (before there were thousands of designs of shoes to buy, and beautifully designed shoe-storage units in which to keep them) she used to throw crockery. And then he had to go with her to buy replacement crockery after she'd calmed down. It was like being punished twice. The shoes rarely suffered much, unless Rose threw particularly hard and embedded them in the wall. Most of the time, the shoes could just be tidied up after the tantrum was over. And, if the worst happened and the shoes did need replacing, Rose preferred to take Alice with her.

None the less, Emmett sighed. Carlisle probably wasn't getting shoes thrown at him.

"You will be sorry, Emmett. You can't go around putting the family at risk like that. You were caught on camera. If it hadn't been for Edward . . . and you know how much I hate having to be grateful to Edward!" She punctuated her point by tossing a particularly vicious pair of stilettos right at his eye. If he'd been in any doubt about how much she hated being in debt to Edward, then that would have put him straight.

But Emmett did know how much Rose hated having to be grateful towards Edward. He remembered well the first time that Rosie had spanked him. It had been his first time in high school as a vampire, and he'd been really excited about it. He'd thought that it would be just like going to high school as a human: a little bit of sitting in class, trying not to get too bored, with a lot of football and playing pranks on other students.

He'd been wrong. High school as a vampire is all about keeping your head down and trying not to be noticed. He'd played one prank, just one prank, on an unsuspecting human teacher. Rosie had been distracted by a home economics practical and he'd thought that Edward would have his mind focussed on Rosie. He was wrong. Edward was watching out of him, as always. And Edward saw the prank while it was still in its infancy.

Edward had quietly undone all Emmett's careful preparations and pulled them all out of class. He'd driven them home and then, when Emmett wondered if he could just keep his mouth shut and stop Carlisle finding out, Edward had calmly told the whole story.

Rosie had dragged him into their room and ranted at him for ages (just like she was doing now). She had been furious at having to say thank you to Edward. She thought that the poor boy was supercilious and patronising. She was always trying to catch him out, or get him into trouble. Of course, there had been that rather strange business when Rosie had first been changed, when Edward had offended her by not finding her attractive. But, apart from that Emmett wasn't quite sure what it was about Edward that got to his wife.

Sure, the mind-reading was spooky sometimes. And, Edward did have an extensive range of sardonic smiles. He had a habit of looking at you as though he was looking through you, which could be irritating, but, on the other hand, he probably was looking through you, so you couldn't really blame him. Yeah, Edward could be a bit prudish and he was often more serious than any seventeen year old had any right to be. But, he was basically a good guy, and Emmett liked him, most of the time. He was pretty sure that Rosie liked him too.

Really, Emmett suspected that Rose felt guilty. At first it had been Carlisle, Esme and the kids (Edward and Rose). Then, when Rose found him, it had been two couples and Edward. Rose – though she hated to admit it – felt awful about leaving Edward in the lurch like that, making him the odd one out. All those years, everyone had sympathised and pitied Edward, but only Rose had felt that it was actually her fault. Only she had felt guilty about Edward's loneliness. Emmett thought that she antagonised her brother to cover up the sympathy. He wasn't going to suggest that to Rose, though.

Anyway, the first time that she'd punished him, it had been a shock, and it had been about Edward then too. She'd been yelling that she hated being beholden to that arrogant little so and so. Then, as suddenly as she'd started, she'd stopped yelling and had quietly told him to bend over. The first time that she'd announced her intention to spank him he'd been dumbfounded and, well, more than a little turned-on.

He was no longer turned-on by Rosie announcing that she was going to punish him. I mean, a light spanking could be very, very nice. He certainly enjoyed it when he could play 'naughty boy' and Rosie dressed up in leather. Yes, that was hot.

This kind of spanking, though, when she was wearing normal clothes, and she just said, in a perfectly reasonable voice (without any kind of purr): "Emmett, it's time for your punishment"; this kind of spanking was not hot. It was going to hurt and it was going to end with a final hot scolding, not with a scalding hot finale

"Emmett," Rosie said again, "stop day-dreaming and bare your backside."

Emmett sighed, this was not how the day's activities were supposed to end. He'd assumed that Carlisle's involvement would somehow raise this prank to another level of acceptability and keep them both out of trouble. But, you know what happens when you assume, you get your ass whipped.

Resigned to his fate (this was not the first, nor the second, time that she'd had to spank him; in fact, this wasn't even the first time this year), Emmett undid his pants and slid them down, followed by his boxers. He knew the drill, he certainly ought to by now. He lowered himself over the bed and prepared to regret his latest greatest scheme.

It was strange how much less funny even the funniest pranks became once you were bent over your bed, waiting for your wife to punish you. Even imagining the face of the nurse who'd been got by their prank this morning wasn't enough to raise a laugh right now.

Rose began with a few good stinging swats in silence, and Emmett tensed up. How come, even with a perfect vampire memory, he was surprised each time by just how much it hurt?

Once his backside was warmed up, and she was into the swing of regular smacks, Rose began to scold him again.

"The most important rule has always been not to draw unnecessary attention to the family," she began, spanking harder as her words reminded her how annoyed she was.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: this scene did not occur in the Twilight series, because I had no hand in writing that.

"Zombies?" Esme asked, "wasn't that a little bit samey?"

"It was with Emmett this time. He doesn't even know about The Trouble."

Esme considered that. "That doesn't make any difference. You know perfectly well what I told you last time."

Carlisle sighed, "yes, dear, I know. If anything of the sort ever happened again, I wouldn't be able to sit down for a month."

"Do you think that Edward will tell the others?"

Carlisle laughed, though very little about this situation was all that funny. "Can you imagine Edward voluntarily telling a story that made him look foolish?"

"It isn't only Edward who comes across as foolish. Besides which, he has the best excuse. He really was a teenager."

"Only in form; you were barely more than a newborn, surely that's a better excuse." Carlisle stopped himself and changed track with a smile, "if any excuse is needed."

For a moment they were both lost in their memories of the past. They no longer saw their bedroom here in Forks, but another room, in a house in which they had been living some decades ago. They each recalled The Trouble, as they had experienced it. And, each of them, without really meaning to, smiled at the memory.

Esme shook her head, quickly dispelling the haze of recollection. "It nearly ended very badly indeed."

"True."

"And, yet you chose to repeat the prank."

"Not precisely. This was a slightly different prank and . . ." Carlisle stopped and changed track again, "it was foolish and I'm sorry."

"The kids will never look at you the same way again."

"Except for Edward." Edward's opinion of Carlisle could hardly change. It wouldn't have surprised him to see his maker indulging in such a silly game. He already knew Carlisle so well.

Now Esme squared her shoulders.

"We should get this over and done with," she said, "exactly how do you want to do it?"

Carlisle frowned slightly, "I don't _want_ to do it in any manner whatsoever. Since, this is what we are going to do, however, shouldn't you just choose a position that will be comfortable for you? I doubt that I'm going to be comfortable for very long in any position."

Esme frowned and wondered if she ought to take a more authorative voice; that might make the situation less awkward for them both. She took the chair from her dressing table and set it in the middle of the room. Then she sat on it and straightened her skirt.

"Come over here and lay down over my lap," she said.

Carlisle scrunched up his toes at the new edge to his wife's voice, but he didn't hesitate to obey her. He had known that this was the likely consequence of playing with Emmett and he had chosen to do so anyway. It was strange how a consequence could seem so distant when you were enjoying the crime, then the fun could fade so completely when the consequence came into view. This had, at one point – the point when it was a flash of an idea and not a solid reality in front of him – seemed like a small price to pay for such a good joke. He was now pretty certain that this was going to cost him dearly.

For a second, he wondered how Esme would react if he decided to take a page from Edward's book and refuse to accept his punishment. But, then he remembered exactly how well that had worked out for his son, and decided to learn from his experience rather than replaying it with his own wife. He stepped forward and lowered himself over her lap.

Esme's lap was by no means large, but it turned out to have plenty of room to arch Carlisle's backside up into a prime position for a spanking. He steadied himself with his feet on one side and his hands on the other, his palms flat and his fingers spread to give him a good purchase on the carpet. He was a little concerned about slipping and making her uncomfortable.

In fact, now that he was in position, he could think of several reasons for selecting a different position altogether for this little task. Being over her knee was humiliating, it made him feel like a little boy, and he hadn't felt that way in a very long time.

Then, there was the risk that he would thrash his legs and wind up kicking her, or that he would fall off her lap altogether and crush her feet.

All in all, he was beginning to regret not taking full advantage of her offer to let him choose the position himself.

Esme slid her hands under her husband's hips and across towards his groin. Though Carlisle knew that this was hardly the time or the place for such feelings, he shifted slightly and gave an appreciative sigh. For whatever reason they were there, it always felt good to feel Esme's hands on his flies.

Easily, with quick and practised fingers, Esme undid Carlisle's trousers and slid them over his hips. Then she ran the index finger of her left hand from the nape of his neck down to the waistband of his boxers. Carlisle shivered at the familiar thrill.

Esme insterted her finger underneath the waistband of his underpants and drew a line across his buttocks and back again. Then she ran her fingernail down the left side of his hips and then down the right, neatly cutting the fabric just above the seam. Carlisle felt her nail drawing perfectly staight lines down his sides and whimpered slightly. Esme drew one last line along the top of Carlisle's thighs. She lifted the boxers, which were now nothing more than a strangely shaped strip of fabric and tossed them over her shoulder.

His bare backside was now exposed to view, in the centre of a neat white box. He would heal very soon and the scratch marks would fade, nail marks – even vampire nail marks – don't last long on vampire skin.

"It ought to go without saying," Esme said in a slow and careful voice, which made Carlisle think that she could scratch his insides just as easily as she could scratch his skin, "that you are not supposed to draw attention to our family. Hopefully, this will remind you of that most important of our family rules in the future."

Carlisle considered an answer, then changed his mind. He was probably better off just remaining silent for now, and offering a proper apology once Esme was done. He tensed slightly at the thought, anticipating the first blow.

Esme sighed a little at the sight of her husband's perfect muscles tensing under his perfect skin. There were other things that one could do with a naked Carlisle, and some of them would be a lot more fun than this . . .


End file.
